Everyday I grow, evolve and learn. I see myself in the now and wonder what my future may hold trying not to dwell on the past but the past is part of who I am today and as hurtful as so much of my past is I'm not to sure how to move forward sometimes. I have so many questions and not enough answers and maybe that is the way its suppose to be. I place my faith in God and really that is most of what I can do. My thoughts wander around aimlessly most days. Wishy washy in my destiny. The now shows me where I'm at and where I want to be. To be with my wonderful children here in this moment in time watching them grow, not worrying about who is there for them because I am. Im happy to be with my children. They are the sun in my blue skies and in my grey skies too when I have them. I'm honestly not sure what side of the fence my happiness falls. Am I happy? I feel incomplete some how. As if I'm not doing enough. And maybe that is not the best way to explain my feelings because I really cannot put into words as I always give my 100% to everything I do in life. Maybe its the feeling of not living up to expectations or contributing enough or really I could go on and on about what it COULD be. I have lost my independence and confidence in myself and what Im doing as a mother and wife somewhere it seems some days. I'm honestly not to sure how I go about gaining that back. If its me or maybe it's not me at all. My family really is my everything I have no regrets, no what if's cross my mind. Life has come hard at me lately but as I grow daily I learn to adapt and be the best I can be. My insecurities are driven with fear and my fear is driven by insecurities. Making the best of what I have hoping its enough to hold me in this moment.
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