Life Rushes

I will be the first to admit my lack of patience. I want things done now, I want to know the outcome, now. The waiting for the unknown absolutely kills me. Lately I live my life not only one day at a time but it seems hour to hour.  Life has rushed up on me and then flipped my whole world upside down.  I have always wanted to live my life like each day is my last. I try my best to let people know how much they mean to me, how much I care, love, cherish and am thankful to have them in my life. I don't want to leave this earth with ill feelings, regret or animosity.  Life passes so quickly.  My life seems to be one big ball of stress. All I do is worry about what tomorrow will hold and how I am going to make it. Pulling myself out of the gutter and to my feet is easier said then done and I really am trying. Life is to short to feel this way. I just cannot keep getting blows.  Every time I seem to get on my feet something cuts me off at my knees again. I feel at this point there is no escape and I fear that as soon as things smooth out that yet again something will happen because Im 'gun shy' now.  My wall is 100ft tall. My children are growing to know a life like this and I cry to see they think this is normal. I know there is no such thing as a real normal but normal is what you see all the time.  Normal is what you are used. I sit here sometimes baffled.  I say to myself, wake me up from this nightmare. Just wake me up. Life is rushing by me and I have no foothold.