Dreams

Everyone has dreams and goals.  Some are realistic and some are pretty far fetched. I think for most people though it is easier said then done to follow or follow through in general with them.  Life gets in the way.  No one's fault that it doesn't happen it just happens or in my case doesn't happen. I have continued to willingly put myself on the back burner to may family knowing that one day that I would have MY day in time.  It turned out that it just never happened and I finally figured out no matter how long I wait, it just will not happen.  I have been a mommy and dedicated wife so long that I have somewhere lost myself in those two rolls. I was okay with this till I realized that no one around me really cared about what "I" wanted. No one asked me what MY dreams were, what I wanted, wanted to do with my life or anything pertaining to ME aside from my family matters. No one particularly said "You can't" but at the same time there was no encouragement either. I am putting myself a notch or two up now and have started going after my dreams and goals one step at a time.  This is hard for me on several levels. Firstly I am a very selfless person by nature.  I would rather do for others then do for myself.  I cannot change this part of my character because then I wouldn't be me. Although not a desired characteristic by most.... Secondly I am adventurous and like change but at the same time I am not so much a risk taker. The fear of the unknown keep the 'what ifs' in my head and then I over think things. I do not want to do something that I may regret or feel is a mistake. I have to think of the future for myself now and it scares me that I do not know what that future is tomorrow, next week or next month so I have wanted to make sure what I do is safe.  I have realized that safe isn't always the best option and if only I could have a penny for everything I have learned about myself the last year.  I have always been wiser then my age but I tend to give advice to everyone else but myself. It's time I start taking my own advice.