Civilian Life

The transition from the Army life into civilian world to me would be described mostly like a bad divorce. I *think* I am having a much harder time adapting then my husband. Which honestly doesn't make much sense now that I put that out there but on the other hand I guess it makes sense in a different way. That different way is that the Army becomes a way of life (whether you are the soldier or the spouse). You adapt the way you live to a certain manner. For years, decades even. Sure the deployments suck. Sure I have prob. been away from my husband over half our married life and basically raised the kids alone. I learned to do things that most men are in charge of (mowing, plumbing, vehicles, etc) He wasn't even there when I had Levi but was able to come home a few days afterwards. I should of hated the Army life. The worry and stress and unknowingness of where we would go next or when he may deploy. Trust me I have seen and known many women not cut it as an Army wife. I see how it's a lifestyle that many can't handle. For me, civilian life has been the challenge. Now that hubby has been retired since April we are officially civilians. We hold military ID's, our TriCare Prime insurance and our base/post benefits such as Commissary and PX/BX. The closest post...I am sorry base...is Barksdale 1.5 hours away. Not really someplace I can just go to for groceries or RX. I struggle to find doctors that accept our insurance, I struggle to not have the living on post false security, the consistency of life in a screwed up way that many people would think wasn't consistent at all, I most of all struggle to find people that understand us as a Army family, I have struggled to find employment and continue to find the right job and Jamie has been looking at jobs and school. There just aren't many options. The security of pay dates and means of life (take BAH for instance) is something that I personally really struggle with being the main money organizer and bill payer. I have had to completely redo how I handle all our financial things. And it's not just about money and that's where it gets tricky. It's about everything. It's about the lifestyle that I struggle to let go because I am no longer an Army wife. It's a thing that unless you have been there, done that and walked in my shoes you might not ever get or understand. And that's okay too. I cast no stones. I just ask for patience and understanding that I am different. I have different outlooks on many things than 'civilians' do and being that I am on the civilian side again it's just not been easy road for me.